Life will always go on....

i just had my last undergraduate class of my life! ASN 401 how i hate you! i'm walking on saturday and i get to spend lunch with my parents and friends. it's kind of exciting. i don't know how i feel about it all but i do know that i'll still be in school for another 2 more years. i'm nervous to be a full time grad student. i know everything will be fine and i'll end up happy with my career. now if only my personal life could be so simple....but i guess that's not important. at least i don't think it's important because i have no real personal life.

Current Mood: accomplished

going to japan for a week...in the mean time here are my puppies :)

let's start with thursday....

i got to kiss the stanley cup!!! i was at burgerama at the riv with catherine knowing the stanley cup would be there. my friend mallory, who is good friends with drew miller, found me so i knew immediately that the cup was at the riv. i bought her a drink and a round of jager bombs. i followed mal to the stage with catherine and we got our picture with drew and the cup. it was so exciting! my favorite pic of the night was when i told drew that i saw him play in game 1 and that i'm from orange county...it's freakin priceless!




friday morning i had to work academic orientation for incoming freshmen. i walked from IM West and had to go the back way to wilson hall. as i was walking behind case hall all of the sudden the memories and feelings of when i first arrived at MSU for my orientation just came flooding back to me. it was so surreal that exactly 4 years ago (my AOP was july 1-2, 2003) i was starting college. i've been in michigan for 4 years but it feels like just yesterday. i can't imagine going back to cali. i'll be hard when i actually do have to leave all my friends and the place i've called home for years. it's so crazy....and i feel old...

Current Mood: nostalgic

i'm finally done with my semester! it was hell for sure. my last semester as a full time student is over and now the part time school begins!!!

so this past week has been full of events. saturday i decided to go down to st. louis with my friend john to see MSU vs BC in the NCAA national championship. my friend breanne and her family was down there to watch her little brother nathan gerbe play for BC so i thought it would be nice to kill two birds at once. plus i have a mini crush on her brother jeff. anyways...MSU won but it was bittersweet because we met up with nathan after the game and he looked so sad/pissed. after an 8 hour drive there and back i was exhausted.

sunday was an italian easter dinner with alyssa and her family. it was 6 hours of non stop eating.

today i found out that i was accepted to grad school at msu. :) it's very exciting even though i know that i was already in....i got a letter from the kinesiology department and that solidified it. i'm so happy to start another chapter of my life. i'll be at msu for another year and a half but it's worth it.

Current Mood: excited

oh thursday, i had a meeting with dr. mcneil, the graduate advisor for sports administration at msu and also one of my supervisors at work. we talked about the masters program for sports admin here at msu and at other universities. he told me that i had the grades and good GRE scores to get into the program here at state, but my goal statement was key. so i figure i've got a 80% chance of getting in. even though i'm graduating in the fall, he told me that i could dual enroll with the masters program while i finish up my degree. meaning i could get my masters degree within in 4 semesters. of course he did suggest i go to ucla and talk to his friend, mick deluca (?), who is a director there to see what the pac 10 is like for grad schools. during spring break, i'll be visiting ucla and figuring out if there are any schools there to consider. msu is the #1 choice and, once i visit ohio state, that will be #2 hopefully. this is so exciting that i have a high chance of getting into grad school and there are people that can help me make it happen. also, after talking to my advisor, she told me that i should apply for the outstanding senior award for kinesiology. that's super exciting! i've always been a mediocre student all through high school and even college so to get recognition like that is great. man, i have so much to do to get ready for grad school applications. i just can't believe it's progressing so fast. :)

Current Mood: ecstatic

after a day of searching....i have found 9 grad schools for some sort of sports management/administration masters program.

most are in the midwest but i found 2 in california...however, they aren't on the top of the list for some reason. something inside of me is telling me to stay in the midwest where college sports/recreation is a lot bigger. i feel like it's such a big part of the college atmosphere here because, in all honesty, there isn't much to do. so here are my choices:
*Michigan State University
*University of San Francisco
*Purdue University
*Indiana University
*Temple University
*Illinois State University
*CSU Long Beach
*Bowling Green State University
*The Ohio State University
i need to cut this list to about 3-5. i'm still going to apply to USC and Chapman for physical therapy but i don't know if i can get in...so at least i have some back up options. this isn't about money anymore. this is about enjoying my life and my career.

My first entry of the new year. I'm sitting alone, finally in EL after 3 weeks and watching futurama while everyone else is out partying. it's okay though. i like being in my element again. my own apartment with friends close by. it's wonderful!

this year i'm going to be better...i know it's generic but i really feel i can be better. no more mental breakdowns, no more procrastinating, no more being a weenie either! :)

i started my year in japan with cynthia. got some quality time with her and shopping done.

once i got home on friday i spent quality nap time with our new cavachon puppies.

after that the first hockey game of the year....a loss to the columbus blue jackets....the ducks didn't do so hot but i still love them anyways.

i realized during my last winter break as an undergrad that i have wonderful friends past and present. after having a little high school reunion, it was nice to see that we could all just click together and be friends again. like nothing changed. going back to california isn't so scary anymore.

of course i have also realized that some people are slipping away. it's a harsh reality but people do move on and i must accept that. sometimes as we grow older we grow apart. it's very simple. but then again, it may not be intentional. no matter....i'm happy with the way things are....nothing fake or misleading just the truth.

so this year's resolutions are as follows:
*KIT (keep in touch) chelsea and i have realized that we don't talk as much anymore. that will change...i promise. especially since we have a little "agreement" going on in february. if anything....facebook and myspace will help me do this better as well.

*Stop spending money. really i swear.

*Stay healthy....aka stop drinking so much. of course it's not like i drink a lot but i must prove to others that i don't drink myself stupid every night. february will be the month i don't drink any alcohol at all! and chelsea won't have any soda...it's a fair trade. :) it also saves money if i don't go out and drink all the time

*Focus on school and grad school. if my grades improve then PT is what i'll go into. but if not i'm going to prepare for my back up plan in intramural sports administrations. which of course means i'll be stuck in the midwest once again for grad school...or even the east....ohio state or university of maine...something like that.

*Be happy. be happy with how life is already and how it's going to be. i don't need a boyfriend or tons of friends...because i'm perfectly happy with my single self and the group of friends i already have.

this is my last year as an undergrad. as of december 14, 2007 i'll be a MSU graduate. i'll miss msu and all the friends i've made. i love it here and will always love it here.

今年も宜しくお願いいたします！

Current Mood: excited

just for kicks and giggles our fam decided to go look at some puppies because my mom said she wouldn't mind if we got dogs after the new year. we go to spectrum in irvine to the pet store and look around. we knew we wanted 2 males. the only 2 males from the same litter were these little cavachon (cavalier king spaniel and bichon frise) mix puppies. a couple were looking at the brown and white one while we kept eying the black and white one. once the couple was finished looking at the dog, my sister immediately says we want to see both of them. so i take the brown one and she takes the black one. and that was it. we passed them to mom and she fell in love. we had to take them home. we asked how much and how old they were. $850 each and they were 2 months. the saleswoman said if we got both we would get $100 off. so we're playing with them and waiting for dad to say something. after awhile he just says okay. no one heard but me. i was like you said okay!? and that was it. the puppies were ours.

so we named them Scottie (black and white) and Robbie (brown and white) after the Niedermayer brothers from the Anaheim Ducks. well originally i wanted to call one anaheim and the other duck but my mom said that would be too embarrassing when she went to the vet and they had to call one of the dogs anaheim.

they are just so adorable. i can't believe we actually got puppies

Current Mood: surprised

you know you have a good group of friends when after a night of drinking lots of tequila, you go home early to sleep it off and wake up to friends breaking into your apartment.

jason and his bff chad decided to come and visit with the help of cynthia. of course instead of knocking on the door or calling like normal people, jason decides to take the screen off my window and open it. yeah so i was sleeping comfortably when i hear something and all of the sudden see a leg come out of the window. it didn't scare me however, i was so fuckin' confused. cynthia used the door. yes i have wonderful friends. makes life so much more interesting :)

Current Mood: thankful

seriously i feel so much better :)
he told me he wanted me to go to chicago with him
he said he wanted to get a job in california for me
he said he wasn't ready but if he were we'd be together
at least we're good friends
holy shit! why does he have to graduate in 2 weeks? :(

Current Mood: pleased

so i realized that i don't want to go into physical therapy anymore. i've lost interest. volunteering is so boring...all i can do is just watch. how is that supposed to make me want to be a therapist? i can't become a tech because no one really hires them and i don't have the time to train. i've realized this weekend that i've spent $90,000 on nothing. i'm just throwing away money because i changed my mind. by the time i finish MSU i would have spent $120,000 on school alone. wasting money. i feel that if i got into USC or even Chapman i would like physical therapy...because that's all that i would focus on. but what if i don't like it in the end? that means i would have spent $135,000 on grad school alone (that's if i get into USC). that means my dad would be spending $255,000 on higher education. that's a small house! and nothing would come of it.

this revelation is just so upsetting. i can't handle trying to be happy and pleasing people. i do whatever they want me to and i'm miserable. they think that doing things with them would make me happy but it doesn't. i just feel like they're forcing me to do things with them. it's so frustrating to listen to these people be mad at me. i don't want to do anything. i want everything to be low key. there's so much pent up inside of me. i have no one to talk to. people say they will listen but they always have another agenda on their mind, theirs. i listen because i know what it's like when people don't. i just want someone to talk to without interruptions but there is no one. everyone says they will listen but it's not true. i rarely have a chance to tell a story before they think of something and start talking. no matter where i am it's always the same. they talk, i listen. when i try to talk, i get interrupted. it's never going to change even if they say it will.

i miss england. i miss my friends. i miss york. i miss york st. john. i miss that lifestyle. i can't stand japan. i can't stand anything that came of it. just thinking about it makes me angry. now, i can't handle seeing people from japan at the moment. i don't know what's wrong with me. that whole situation wasn't fun. i felt more like a minority in the country of my parents. i hated that feeling. i never felt welcomed. everyone else seemed to love being there. i couldn't stand it. i wish i had never gone. i expected more. i expected to love japan. but now i've reverted back to when i hated that country and almost everything about it. i go back to japan to shop and visit family, not because i love japan. it's fun but not for me. i feel like i should like japan because i am japanese but i don't. i'm with all these people that love japanese culture and i don't understand why? what's so special? i know their obsession is like mine with england, but i don't get it. i can't stand it. i can't stand hating my own culture, but it won't stop. i just need a break from it all.

i hope this just goes away....

Current Mood: distressed

just got my left wrist tattooed! it looks so good. it's bandaged up now but i'll have pictures on facebook later tonight. no one knows about this one just like my other one. the new one will be harder to hide just because it wraps around my wrist. ESA on the underside and emilysakuraabe around it. you know, just in case i don't know my name i have it on my wrist lol

so i'm checking my email after i get out of class and there's this one from my dad that says Re: In Germany. i was like um...okay wtf. it's a reply to a previous email that my dad sent to us(as in his children) that day from my sister. MY PARENTS ARE IN FUCKIN' EUROPE AND DIDN'T TELL ME! i mean i knew they were going but i thought around thanksgiving time. no, they're in germany right now. i was so shocked i called my sister to comfirm it. they didn't tell me they were leaving. my sister said they left sunday. why didn't they call me!!!!???? man, i'm pissed. i feel so 仲間外れ like an outsider to my own family. bastard parents. and they're a lot closer to me in distance than sandy or thomas. they just totally left me out. :(

Current Mood: angry

yesterday was probably one of the best days ever! johanna and her boyfriend came up from notre dame for the football game. they came with me tailgating and got beer cans thrown at them....cuz you know that's how we spartans do things. i got to see johanna get drunk by one of the personal trainers that works at IM West. He's 53 and fuckin' awesome...he got us all drunk on jungle juice. it was so sweet! after a good 6 hours of tailgating, johanna and her bf left and my party started. i had people over for the christening of my new apartment. i think there were about 16 people coming and going all night. matt, matt's friend (ryan or bryan i can't remember), aj, and elmer left around 4AM. i feel kind of bad cuz i wasn't in the partying mood after all that tailgating (which was the best experience ever!) and plus i was worried about little brother. i love that kid and don't want anything bad to happen to him. i treat him like my own. anyways after the bulk of people left i get a phone call from none other than LITTLE BROTHER! i was so happy that he was a) alive and b) he was coming over with some friends. so i went to pick them up and notice that little brother was so stoned. we got back to my place and every time i looked at duane i just shook my head and laughed. i was so happy he was there though. it made my night. just wish cynthia and chelsea were there to experience the joy...instead of james, who is starting to creep my out...a lot. all in all it was a fuckin' good night. i love it!

so...ikea is supposed to be easy assemble furniture but i'm having the hardest time putting the final pieces of each thing together. yesterday it was the bottom of my bookcase ( which looks great now) and now it's the last leg of my coffee table. fuck! i feel like an idiot.

other then that....last night was amazing!! hanging out with the IM West senior crew was so much fun. lou and harry's and harper = lots of pictures. i definitely work with fun people. then i went to marika and rob's bday party. it was completely dark...i had no idea who was there. well before that i was walking from taco bell and then tim, matt, and james came to pick me up. james and matt were pretty wasted. so about the darkness...i didn't even realize that i was hugging jay until i actually heard his voice (which was hard because it was so loud). and i didn't know little brother was there until i took a picture of him. lol not that i was really that drunk i just couldn't see! it was alright though. of course rob and his drunk ass was talking to me and had to say, " i can see your boobs." perv. minus that part...it was an all around good time!

sidenote: it's official. i'm going back to cali for thanksgiving. and also las vegas! hopefully staying at the belagio (crossing fingers)

Current Mood: tired

okay i'm giving in....i'm going home for a week. i figured since i already disappointed my dad the least i can do is to surprise him by coming home. i told him that i wasn't coming home because i found a place to stay for free. but in reality i will be coming home. so from aug 12 to aug 19 i'll be in cali. i will have no car so i'll just be chillin' at home until my mom leaves for japan on the 16th which then i will be taking her car out for joyrides every night.

My mother is amazing! She sent this to my dad. For all those that can read japanese, here's your chance to brush up. (^_^)
私はエミリがミシガンにいてもかまわないと思います。
別に遊んでいるわけでもなくちゃんとやることをやっているのに
ここに帰ってきても何もすることもなくテレビばかり見る
生活になるよ。

お金はミシガンにStayしてもこちらに帰ってきても
かかるでしょう。
エミリがミシガンにいたいと言っているんだから
そのようにさせてあげたら？

千春

so she says that she doesn't mind that i stay in michigan and that it's not like i'm partying all the time or anything. cuz you know i've got work and stuff. she also said that staying in michigan and flying to the oc is about the same amount so why should it matter. she made my dad change his mind about making me go home! yay!

also don't you like how in this whole email in japanese there's one english word....yes you see it she uses the word "stay" lol

Current Mood: excited

man, these past couple of weeks just keep getting worse! first I get two parking tickets (which I know I totally deserved...I was parked illegally). Then I find out that I can't move into my new apartment early because they're redoing the concrete. So I'm being kicked out of chandler crossings on Aug. 7th and have nowhere to live until Aug. 20. What's a girl to do? Go home. But I don't want to. There's absolutely nothing for me to do at home. I know people want to see me but....that's what 4 out of the 13 days I'll be there. What the fuck am I supposed to do for the rest of the 9 days? Sit at home? Fuck that shit! I want to stay in Michigan and work AND workout. Cuz we all know that once Emily's back in Cali all she's going to do is eat and sleep. I'll have no car and no gym. I've started to wake up at 5:30 (instead of 7) to get to the gym at 6 to workout in the morning, I'm making a conscious effort to try and get into shape. But if I go home now, that's at least 11 days of no working out. I hate going back home to my mom who keeps telling me I need to lose weight. It's so annoying. That's why I don't want to go back. I don't want to have to face her everyday telling me that all I do is sit at home and do nothing. There isn't anything to do! What am I supposed to go home to Cali and look for a place that will hire me for 13 days? Like that would ever happen. People say that they want me to go home but yet once I'm home if I don't plan shit I don't ever see them. I'm tired of phone tag and tired of going by everyone else's schedule. I just don't want to go home! Plus what am I supposed to do with my car? and my stuff? shit I wish I could just find somewhere to go!

Current Mood: pissed off

i am no longer allowed to talk to dan. turns out she didn't know anything about me and she doesn't want him to talk to me, so naturally i can no longer speak to him. even though dan lied to me and his girlfriend, i'm still pissed that it had to end like this. what girlfriend reads all your emails and watches you like a hawk just so they can monitor your every move? only a fuckin' crazy japanese one! how are guys okay with this? what makes these japanese girls so special? i can't even be his friend anymore. i care about him enough to do what's best for him, but it just sucks. it's so depressing. he's moving with her to japan and i just think it's such a bad idea! he's living with her parents! her fuckin' parents! i can't even believe that they're letting him stay in the same house! that is not typical japanese and i refuse to believe that they aren't your typical japanese household, even if they are filthy rich. it makes me so angry and sad.

Current Mood: aggravated